It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
