i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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