he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
