Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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