I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
