just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Randomize
