eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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