i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
