wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
