She is in my trunk
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
