You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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