That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
