I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
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It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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