did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
