last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
