Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
