haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
