I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
