3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you win again, gameday.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
