its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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