it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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