im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
