You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
