Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
