some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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