Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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