Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
