Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
