I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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