I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick