arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature