I want to make a zoo with you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
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second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry