I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this