How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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