M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My penis needs a shock collar
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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