you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A+ Viking dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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