its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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