ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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