Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.

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(757): View more from Virginia

There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.

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(810): View more from Michigan

According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(256): View more from Alabama

Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....

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(817): View more from Texas

In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.

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(641): View more from Iowa

I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.

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(208): View more from Idaho

That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.

(208): View more from Idaho

Especially drunk mermaids.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well

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