Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better