Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?