i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.