don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
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Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run