he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
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You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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