Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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