Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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