she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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