When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
