who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
