My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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