You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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