All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Randomize
