Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize