I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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