I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
