his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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