First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
