remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it hurts more in the daytime
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
