Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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