The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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