Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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