I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
