nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
