I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
