Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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