sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
