Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just had sex bonerless
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
