Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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