That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
