You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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