her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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