In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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